lots on my mind

So lately I have been rethinking somethings and coming to some pretty extreme conclusions.  I am not as happy as I pretend to be.  I am getting tired of putting up with nasty attitudes, quick tempers, and the reasoning of oh things will change.  And when I stand up for myself  I get that I am being a bitch and too harsh and told to "chill out!".  Well, I am sick of always being blamed for things whether or not I have done them, getting bitched if I do something that is an accident and assuming that I have done it on purpose.  I am tired of no respect.  I am tired of subtle postings on fb that are directed at me and about me.  I Am The ADULT!  Lately all I want is to run away.  I thought that things were going to get better after the adult children moved out and I would get some help around here, but that hasn't happened.   I don't want to make another fresh start, but at the same time I know that things are not going to change, and I am closer to my dream of having a baby than I have ever been.  At least I have a house to live in so if I have one we have a place to live, but at what cost?  I don't want any child of mine to grow up with no respect for me, because that would be learned form someone else that lives here too, and I don't want my child to learn the nasty attitude that someone else in the house also has.  And I know that one person in this house WANTS me GONE, and it doesn't matter what I do or say, one little firm statement and I get the attitude of "now I want to beat someone up." 

waiting

I finally went to the doctor about my foot and ankle and I had some xrays done.  My doctor thinks that it might be a stress fracture.  Now I have to wait for the results 24-48 hours.  Harry asked me to have Mark and Amelia do the dishes so that I would not have to stand on my feet to do them, and Mark is at the sink getting ready to do them and Miss Lazy Ass is somewhere upstairs.  Really nice I am so glad that Harry and I are providing housing for them and she can't get off her butt to help me out when I need it.  I think that things need to change.

Get out of MY HOUSE!!!!

Ok, so it has been a while since I posted anything and that is because I have been trying to not air so much negativity.  Well right now I am so upset that there are absolutely NO words to describe how I feel.  I had an amazing day at work yesterday with someone from corporate thinking an idea I had was fantastic! :) Let me tell you that when you work in a large chain it is really great when one person gets noticed.  Then I get home last night to go to the bathroom.... and two of my bathroom rugs were all wet and stinking of urine.  Not animal urine at that.  The toilet had bee hosed with pee all over the lid and running down the side.  Now there are two men that live here and as this house beings to one of them I really don't think that it was him.  Nope I think it was his ungrateful son.  I feel like we have been ultimately disrespected, the only thing that would have been worse is if he had peed on us directly.  He basically said by that action: I don't respect you, I don't respect your home, and I don't appreciate everything you have done for me and my new family.  I told Harry this morning that they need to go, period.  I want them out.  I want our home back. I want the stress gone.  I want to have to not transport his daughter-in-law to and from  work any more.  I want to get on with our life and our plans.

New Computer

I have myself a nice brand new computer.  What was wrong with the old one you may ask...nothing.  It was just getting old and slow and would not run the software I wanted to get for myself with my taxes. I got the Dragon Naturally speaking software.  I am very excited.  I want to be an author and I have a bit of a hard time typing fr long periods of time as I have problems with my wrist.  This software will finally let me be able to write more.  I can't wait to try it out.  My old computer will be going to the adult children (of course).  But that is ok.  I have this new really nice computer with quite a lot of good things on it.

......when you assume......

I am so mad right now there are no words to describe it!!!!!!!!  Everyone has heard that saying that when you assume something you make an ass of yourself and the person you assume something about.  Well I don't think that I have ever seen quite so much assuming as done by one member of my household.  My morning starts out by me getting up to go to the bathroom and find this person in the bathroom fixing her hair, with MY HEADBAND already on her head.  As I am staring pointedly at it she the says to me "Oh yeah, can I use your headband?"  Well gee after the fact what am I going to say? NO?  So I of course I say yes and then proceed to get ready for my day, which entails taking her to work, coming home, getting laundry, trading vehicles, going to auburn, washing laundry, getting tires, coming home, going to Brunswick, coming home, doing dishes, going to get her, coming home, cooking supper........ and this is MY DAY OFF!!!  Then as I am doing dishes MY GOOD POT (which is Teflon coated) is scratched all to hell because SOMEONE used a metal spoon in it last night!!!!  Anyone who cooks knows you can not use metal in Teflon coated products because the Teflon is toxic one it is scratched!  And of course no one will own up to doing it.  I guess I should say the this was a little while ago now as I am only now getting the time to finish and publish this post, but yeah I am still upset with this whole grown children living with us situation. 

Waiting Very Patiently

I ordered a deck of tarot cards two weeks ago and I am waiting very patiently, albeit anxiously, for them to arrive.  It has been a while since I last read the tarot and know I am out of practice, so I am looking forward to the challenge of reading them again.  The deck that is coming is the ancestral path tarot, a deck that I learned on (that deck is now long gone).  The images on these cards are amazing and hold a lot of symbolism for me.  Like I said -waiting anxiously for them.  I hope they arrive soon.

My Mom

I was just checking my facebook page and upon scrolling through looking at everyone's post I came face to face with a picture of my mother.  Now my mom passed away in 1999 so it is not her account.  It was posted by my ex-husband with the title of "two of my best friends"  (there was another person in the pic as well).  It is very disconcerting this early in the morning to see that.  I have never gotten over her death and little surprises like this only make things harder. 

More Company

Well the oldest child and his wife and child got kicked out of the in-laws house so now they will be coming to stay here.  I must say I am not excited about this.  The wife is a pain in the butt who likes to pick on me for being short.  I am not all that short I am average height, but she is a little taller so she like to do short jokes.  The baby I am excited about him he is a good baby.  The oldest child I understand that Harry hasn't seen him in 16 years so I know why he wants him here.  But still I want our house to ourselves.  I guess I am just selfish. 

Music

So at work today I hear one of my favorite songs( Meatloaf: "I would do anything for love") and start to sing along.  And as I am singing I realize that I am not singing the same words that I am hearing.  I know this song by heart.  It occurs to me that because of the "explicit" lyrics of the song our store has a toned down version of the song.  The "explicit" lyric that they have changed goes:  "Some day I just pray to the gods of sex and drums and rock and roll..."  has been changed to "Some day I just pray to the gods of es and drums and rock and roll..."  Es?  Really, just what does that mean??  Seriously if you can't play the song the way it was written and recorded don't bother to play it at all.  And especially don't make up stupid don't even make any sense words that are not even words. 

Sunday Morning

Well we have had yet another snow storm and Harry is off at work.  I am home with the teenager.  I was hoping that this am I would finally have some much needed me time.  I am now watching Mystery Diagnosis.  I forgot how depressing it is to watch that show.  But seeing that the only other things that are on are Sponge Bob or Rugrats  I will take the depression.  I am not a fan of the younger shows that are out now.  They are all so rude and crude and teach kids to be that way too.  I guess if I am being honest the other kids teach kids to be rude and crude as well.  There are too many things that teach disrespect.  From TV shows to anything found on the Internet.  Then parents rights to correct those actions and attitudes are taken away be the state.  It is so bad that it seems you can't even ground your kids for the fear the state will take them aways.  I am just going off on tangents and I think that I should probably end this for now.....

Snow Storm

What could possibly be worse than being snowed in?  How about being snowed in with a teenage girl?  And not just any teenage girl,  a teenage girl that is not your own but your boyfriends.  Yup.  That is where I am right now.  Snowed in with my boyfriend's daughter.  We all live together as a family.  My boyfriend and I bought a house a little over a year ago.  I love having the house and being with my boyfriend, but sometimes the stress of a teenager stress me out.  I don't have any kids of my own and my boyfriend and I were going to try to have one together this year.  I say were because right now I am not so sure I want one.  You would think that after being together for so long that the teenager would have some type of respect for me, if for no other reason than that I am an adult.  But no.  Just now I went outside to shovel the stairs and walk way, I didn't even ask her to help but she comes out anyway and I think: "wow, she is doing something without being asked."  No, not really the case.  She was bored and decided to come outside to whine at me.  "Why do I have to shovel?  I am not going to help later when you do the end of the driveway for daddy.  I did it all last time...."  And on it went.  I told her that if she didn't help later then she would not get to use her laptop for the rest of the week.  I thought that she would explode.  Sometimes I feel like I have no control.  She is not my child so I really can't punish her and I feel like he dad doesn't want to punish her because she just come to live with us.  I can remember being a teenager and I know how hard it can be sometimes.  I get it, but I still had respect for people....well except for my step-father, but that is another story all together.  I never used to call my parents dumb and stupid and retard, as those seem to be our nickname lately.  I would have had my face slapped.  I am not saying that should be the case, but seriously a stern talking to and no computer or phone for a week would go a long way to showing "Hey WE are the ADULTS, YOU are the CHILD,  get you act together."  Maybe I am old fashioned or a sick in the mud or a bad person I don't know.  But I am an adult and I feel that I deserve some type of respect.