lots on my mind

So lately I have been rethinking somethings and coming to some pretty extreme conclusions.  I am not as happy as I pretend to be.  I am getting tired of putting up with nasty attitudes, quick tempers, and the reasoning of oh things will change.  And when I stand up for myself  I get that I am being a bitch and too harsh and told to "chill out!".  Well, I am sick of always being blamed for things whether or not I have done them, getting bitched if I do something that is an accident and assuming that I have done it on purpose.  I am tired of no respect.  I am tired of subtle postings on fb that are directed at me and about me.  I Am The ADULT!  Lately all I want is to run away.  I thought that things were going to get better after the adult children moved out and I would get some help around here, but that hasn't happened.   I don't want to make another fresh start, but at the same time I know that things are not going to change, and I am closer to my dream of having a baby than I have ever been.  At least I have a house to live in so if I have one we have a place to live, but at what cost?  I don't want any child of mine to grow up with no respect for me, because that would be learned form someone else that lives here too, and I don't want my child to learn the nasty attitude that someone else in the house also has.  And I know that one person in this house WANTS me GONE, and it doesn't matter what I do or say, one little firm statement and I get the attitude of "now I want to beat someone up." 

waiting

I finally went to the doctor about my foot and ankle and I had some xrays done.  My doctor thinks that it might be a stress fracture.  Now I have to wait for the results 24-48 hours.  Harry asked me to have Mark and Amelia do the dishes so that I would not have to stand on my feet to do them, and Mark is at the sink getting ready to do them and Miss Lazy Ass is somewhere upstairs.  Really nice I am so glad that Harry and I are providing housing for them and she can't get off her butt to help me out when I need it.  I think that things need to change.

Get out of MY HOUSE!!!!

Ok, so it has been a while since I posted anything and that is because I have been trying to not air so much negativity.  Well right now I am so upset that there are absolutely NO words to describe how I feel.  I had an amazing day at work yesterday with someone from corporate thinking an idea I had was fantastic! :) Let me tell you that when you work in a large chain it is really great when one person gets noticed.  Then I get home last night to go to the bathroom.... and two of my bathroom rugs were all wet and stinking of urine.  Not animal urine at that.  The toilet had bee hosed with pee all over the lid and running down the side.  Now there are two men that live here and as this house beings to one of them I really don't think that it was him.  Nope I think it was his ungrateful son.  I feel like we have been ultimately disrespected, the only thing that would have been worse is if he had peed on us directly.  He basically said by that action: I don't respect you, I don't respect your home, and I don't appreciate everything you have done for me and my new family.  I told Harry this morning that they need to go, period.  I want them out.  I want our home back. I want the stress gone.  I want to have to not transport his daughter-in-law to and from  work any more.  I want to get on with our life and our plans.

New Computer

I have myself a nice brand new computer.  What was wrong with the old one you may ask...nothing.  It was just getting old and slow and would not run the software I wanted to get for myself with my taxes. I got the Dragon Naturally speaking software.  I am very excited.  I want to be an author and I have a bit of a hard time typing fr long periods of time as I have problems with my wrist.  This software will finally let me be able to write more.  I can't wait to try it out.  My old computer will be going to the adult children (of course).  But that is ok.  I have this new really nice computer with quite a lot of good things on it.

......when you assume......

I am so mad right now there are no words to describe it!!!!!!!!  Everyone has heard that saying that when you assume something you make an ass of yourself and the person you assume something about.  Well I don't think that I have ever seen quite so much assuming as done by one member of my household.  My morning starts out by me getting up to go to the bathroom and find this person in the bathroom fixing her hair, with MY HEADBAND already on her head.  As I am staring pointedly at it she the says to me "Oh yeah, can I use your headband?"  Well gee after the fact what am I going to say? NO?  So I of course I say yes and then proceed to get ready for my day, which entails taking her to work, coming home, getting laundry, trading vehicles, going to auburn, washing laundry, getting tires, coming home, going to Brunswick, coming home, doing dishes, going to get her, coming home, cooking supper........ and this is MY DAY OFF!!!  Then as I am doing dishes MY GOOD POT (which is Teflon coated) is scratched all to hell because SOMEONE used a metal spoon in it last night!!!!  Anyone who cooks knows you can not use metal in Teflon coated products because the Teflon is toxic one it is scratched!  And of course no one will own up to doing it.  I guess I should say the this was a little while ago now as I am only now getting the time to finish and publish this post, but yeah I am still upset with this whole grown children living with us situation. 

Waiting Very Patiently

I ordered a deck of tarot cards two weeks ago and I am waiting very patiently, albeit anxiously, for them to arrive.  It has been a while since I last read the tarot and know I am out of practice, so I am looking forward to the challenge of reading them again.  The deck that is coming is the ancestral path tarot, a deck that I learned on (that deck is now long gone).  The images on these cards are amazing and hold a lot of symbolism for me.  Like I said -waiting anxiously for them.  I hope they arrive soon.

My Mom

I was just checking my facebook page and upon scrolling through looking at everyone's post I came face to face with a picture of my mother.  Now my mom passed away in 1999 so it is not her account.  It was posted by my ex-husband with the title of "two of my best friends"  (there was another person in the pic as well).  It is very disconcerting this early in the morning to see that.  I have never gotten over her death and little surprises like this only make things harder.